DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
Marvel: NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS SWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACCOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
DC: I didn't-
Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
DC: If you stop shouting for just a second -
Marvel: YOU WANT STORM IN A SOLO BOOK? BOOM! YOU GOT IT CHUMPS!
DC: And it only took you guys 39 years. How about something with Black Panther?
Marvel: . . . um, who?
DC: Yeah, that character you guys personally said was too hard to make, let alone difficult in creating a city like Wakanda
Marvel: OH! IT'S COMING! MAYBE.
DC: And why wasn't James Rhodes in the first Avengers movie?
Marvel: SO HE COULD ROCK IT IN IRON MAN 3!
DC: And why'd you kill off Darwin, the immortal Black guy in X-Men: First Class and how come you don't put in Monica Rambeau, Misty Knight, Cloak and Dagger, Luke Cage, - - -
Marvel: MILES MORALES IS MEETING THE X-MEN IN THE COMICS! NOT A HOAX! NOT A DREAM! BOOYAH!
DC: Are you going to make a movie with Miles Morales as Spider-Man?
Marvel: MILES IS MAKING A CAMEO ON AN UPCOMING EPISODE OF ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN ON DISNEY XD!! BUT WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT! BLACK WIDOW'S KICKING ASS IN CAPTAIN AMERICA 2!!!!
DC: You knock us for not having a solo Wonder Woman movie now. Where's a solo Black Widow movie? Where's a solo Storm movie? Where's a Heroes For Hire movie? Where's a solo Captain Marvel movie?
MARVEL: GO SEE LUCY AND WE MIGHT MAKE A SOLO BLACK WIDOW IN PHASE SEVEN, MAYBE!
DC: You give us crap for not making movies. We've slacked. We're trying to catch up. Our parent company just happens to be in the movie-making industry, not the superhero film industry. What was the last non-animated, non-superhero, non-remake/revival film made (not just distributed) by Disney made to break #1 in the past five years?
MARVEL: WE'VE GOT DAREDEVIL ON NETFLIX SOON!
DC: We have Arrow, The Flash, and soon I Zombie on the CW, Constantine on NBC, and Gotham on FOX now. Blam!
MARVEL: WE HAD A GAY WEDDING ON A COVER OF X-MEN!
DC: But what have you done with Jean-Paul and Kyle since?
DC: The couple you married two years ago. Oh, and we have a married Batwoman in one of our comics. And she's married to Renee Montoya.
MARVEL: WE STILL HAVE MUSLIM AND LATINO HEROES IN LEAD ROLES!